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When Your Baby Goes to College Dear Parents, Congratulations! You are a successful parent. Your child recently left for college and you have been a major contributor in the success he has experienced. And, needless to say, you are also his prime financial backer in providing him with the educational opportunity to go out and conquer the world. You have done, and are doing, a wonderful job in caring for your offspring. If you are so wonderful and so successful, why do you feel so guilty that a small part of you looked forward to the big day? Well, remember how delightful it has been to live with a teenager the past several years. It is perfectly normal if part of you could not wait to drop him off at his chosen institution of higher learning and double time it back home. Home, to a quiet, clean house that actually has food in the refrigerator and a telephone that is available for your use. Sounds like heaven doesn’t it; but it also makes you feel more than a little guilty. My advice is let the guilt go. I truly believe that adolescents were purposefully created so contrary that we would be glad when they moved out of the house. And don’t forget where we are sending them. Which of us would not jump at the chance to be in college again, enjoying our first taste of independence and having it paid for by someone else! Now that I have told you not to feel guilty and patted you on the back, let’s talk about what you can do to make the transition easier for your child. You have already eased the transition by the college visit you took last year. There is comfort in what is familiar. The biggest tool you have in making this easier is to talk about it with your freshman whenever an opportunity comes up. Talk about it while you shop for clothes or for those extra long twin sheets, and when you are buying all those stamps for the letters he probably won’t write. Share your own college experiences and don’t hesitate to tell him that you think he is fortunate to have this opportunity. Let your child know he might experience some bumps along the road. If your son has never shared a room, talk about having a roommate and the challenges that it sometimes brings. Show him how to do laundry and make it clear you won’t be accepting any packages that smell like sweat socks. Set up a set time to e-mail each other and give him a phone card with lots of extra minutes. If he is taking a cell phone to school, set limits on that ahead of time––or make it perfectly clear who pays for all the calls to the girlfriend at the University of Hawaii. Remind him that Mom is not going to school with him so if he does not pick up after himself, nobody else will. Talk about meals with your student. Make sure he understands his meal plan and how much he can afford to spend eating off campus. Most college students gain about 15 pounds freshman year. Pizza and French-fries are deadly to the diet. To prevent this, help him to make healthy choices and remind him the food pyramid is not in Egypt. Talk about free time and studying. Never before will your son have so much free time on his hands. For every hour spent in class he should plan on two hours studying. No one just starting college knows exactly what to expect as far as the workload. Tell your son not to hesitate to contact the Counseling Center at his school or ask for a tutor as soon as he hits a bump. Do not let a small problem turn into a big one. And yes, tell him it is okay to change his major. Some college students change majors like they change their shoes. But stress the fact that you expect him to be self-supporting in, hopefully, four short years. And keep those cards and letters coming. A letter from home, an e-mail, a card with an extra $20.00, or (best of all) a goody basket go a long way. If you send food, just remember to send enough for a small army. You may have shed a few tears when it was time to say goodbye. While it is best to try and avoid giving him the memory of Mom and Dad sobbing as they walk out, tears are sometimes unavoidable. You can always tell your son that they were tears of joy for the new experiences he will
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