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How To Talk To Your Child About Sex Judy Zaks, L.C.S.W., Pediatric Social Worker, What does your child know about sex? How do you know what your child knows? What do you want your child to know about sex, and at what age? These are difficult and challenging parenting questions.
The National Longitudinal Survey of Adolescent Health suggests that “parents who wish to help their children avoid risky behaviors should spend time with, talk with, be available to, set high standards for them, and send clear messages about what to do and not do.” The “sex talk” is really about parenting basics; the art of communicating your values and principles and creating an atmosphere of trust. The following guidelines may be helpful: Relax Understand and Clarify your own Attitudes and Values Focus on your overall relationship Put Sex in a Relationship Context Provide Accurate and Age-Appropriate Information and Start Early
3. During the middle school years the gender differences become increasingly apparent and maturation rates impact on your child’s development and sense of self. You will want your messages to reflect concepts of personal responsibility and consequences. As parents you are defining a standard of behavior that is based upon your value system. Self control can be an expectation of appropriate behavior. 4. During your child’s teen years the most effective tool is clear communication. This is often a challenge when the teen does not appear to want to hear what you have to say. All the more reason, as research has shown, to pursue the conversation. Teens need to link sexual activity with responsible behavior, responsible to themselves and to their significant partner. Aside from the physical impact of possible pregnancy and exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, inappropriate sexual activity can have a serious emotional impact. They also need to be aware that alcohol and drug use can impair their usually sound decision-making process regarding sexual activity. As parents, you need to define and then verbalize your expectations of adolescent behavior. As they used to warn on TV each night, “Do you know where your children are?” What is your opinion of steady dating? At what age? Have you verbalized to your teenager your concerns about pornography? Have you discussed what is acceptable exposure via films, internet or music lyrics? Don’t let gender differences stop you from having the conversation You may have to take the initiative If you feel uncomfortable (and most of us can feel awkward), take a few deep breaths and prepare yourself. Perhaps admit to discomfort, and discuss what actually makes you uncomfortable. You can turn to books to guide you if you feel more comfortable armed with facts. For your child’s sake, prepare yourself to increase your own sense of competence. By taking the time to read this article, you are already demonstrating that you are interested in your child's welfare and your role as a parent. You are seeking information to assist you with that ever challenging and most rewarding of tasks…child rearing. Your child will clearly benefit in many ways by your devotion and concern and for your ongoing pursuit of answers for yourself and your family. References for further reading: Talking With Kids About Sex and Relationships How and when to have ‘the big talk: Answering Hot Potatoes: Sexual Education Books for Families What Should I tell the Kids? A parent’s guide to real problems [ top ] |
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Sex education has come a long way over the past half a century. Your child’s knowledge is likely to be much more explicit and informed than yours was at his/her age. Although your child may know the proper vocabulary, and may be educated as to the mechanics and risks, how do you know where his/her education is lacking? How does a parent communicate the importance of the relationship aspects of a sexual union? Where do you begin?
2. Grade school children are increasingly curious about anatomical differences of the male and female bodies, as well as the mechanics of sex and reproduction. “How did the baby get in there?” Questions can range from the simple to the more complex. This is where being prepared is very helpful, as well as utilizing the many books available.
